Placing Your Order

Lisa Nichols, a motivational speaker who was featured in one of my favorite movies, The Secret, said something on Oprah that profoundly changed me.  And for those of you who don’t know, The Secret is a movie about the Law of Attraction.  It is not just about understanding how the law works, but the movie explains how we bring about what we think about all the time.

There was an audience member who had asked the panel of cast members to explain better how it worked, and this was Lisa’s response;

If you were at a restaurant, and you placed an order, you would fully expect it to come to you that way.  That’s how the universe works.  You are putting out orders, consciously and unconsciously, and you expect it to come back.  So if you say “I’ll never have a great relationship,” then you just placed an order.  If you said, “Oh, I have the craziest family full of DRAMA,” then you just placed an order.  So look at it as you just placed an order at a restaurant and what do you want to come?

I think about that comment every single day, especially when I post something on Facebook.   I’m consciously asking myself if what I am writing is what I want to be ordering up.   And while I want to bitch about the person who’s yelling at the 17-year-old behind the register at McDonald’s for screwing up her order I don’t.  No buts about it.  I do not want more people bitching at other people showing up in my life. Instead, I want to share how grateful I am for the crossing guard named George who gave me flower roots to plant in my garden, and my friend Kate who showed up on my birthday this year to give me a bottle of my favorite red wine.  I want more sticky face smiles and kisses from my daughter, and a husband who will dance to shake off a bad mood.

So the next time your about to complain, think of Lisa Nichols, and order yourself something that you will WANT to come back to you, because like a boomerang, it ALWAYS does.


A Little More Me Time

Why is that we find it so hard to say no to other people and yes to ourselves? It took me 38 years of trying to please others, not always so successfully, before something finally clicked.

I was a yesser.  No matter what was already on my plate, I would  say yes to something else and someone else, out of fear of letting them down.    If there was a job to be done, and someone had to do it, why not me?    I was a stay at home mom.  I could do it.   I volunteered to be room mom for my daughter’s class, and said yes to running committees for the school PTO.  My  Mondays were spent helping out in the art room and Friday mornings in the classrooms.  I stepped up to co-lead my daughter’s girl scout troop.  And now that she was in school full-time, I decided to fit a part-time job in there too.  Add on the after school activities of swim lessons, brownies, and  taekwon do, and that left me just enough time to get the grocery shopping, laundry, and housecleaning done.  I was overdoing it for everyone else, and underdoing it for me.

After two years of stomach problems, requiring 4 prescription pills a day, I decided it was finally time to make a change.   And slowly it happened.  I started saying no.

I began scheduling things into MY life for ME that I wanted to do.  I went to a chiropractor and an acupuncturist on a regular basis.  I made a mandatory girls night EVERY week and promised myself a glass of wine at the end of each day.   Never before having the time to read, I splurged and bought myself a nook and got lost in the Outlander series.  Subsequently, my stomach problems went away.  I no longer needed those pills.  All I ever needed was a little more me time.

I met amazing people through all of those yesses, and have no regrets.  But now, if there is a job to be done, and someone has to do it, I can say with a smile and without hesitation, “why not someone else?”

The Four Agreements and Don Miguel Ruiz, Interviewed by Ellen Degeneres

I was going to write a story on this, but instead felt compelled to share this interview instead.  It was featured in the O Magazine from the October 2001 edition.  It is everything I wanted to say and more.  Remember to be true to yourself and enjoy!

Counting My Blessings

I never thought I would have just one child.  It had always been “my plan” to have at least two and they were going to be two years apart just like my sister and I.

My daughter had taken us nearly four years to conceive so I couldn’t believe it when I became pregnant right away the second time around.  And then it happened.  My first miscarriage.  Just as quickly as it came, my pregnancy went.  I had only been a few weeks along, and while I was sad, I still remained hopeful that it would happen again for us, and it did.

This time, I got to see my little peanut.  I can still remember laying on the table in my doctors office looking over at the black and white monitor and seeing the little heartbeat for the first time.   But two weeks later, I was back in that same office laying on the same table, looking at an empty monitor.  The heartbeat was gone and I had lost my baby again.

In life I’ve learned that some things are simply indescribable.  My miscarriage is one of them.  How can I put words to losing a life that I so desperately wanted?  The future I had always thought I would have was no longer.  We would be a family of three, instead of four.  There would be no brother or sister for our daughter.  I would have just one car seat, instead of two.

But that’s just it.  I HAVE one car seat.  I HAVE a family of three.  I HAVE a daughter.  And she is amazing, and she is healthy, and she is here.

For me, life is about choices.  I can choose to be sad and miserable over what isn’t, or I can choose just as equally to be happy over what is.

But that doesn’t mean I will ever forget.  This year my baby would’ve turned five and started kindergarten.  And while I will always, always count those birthdays, I will count my blessings too.

In Sync

What do you call it when two sisters, who aren’t twins, do everything as though they were?

For instance, today, I picked up the phone to call my sister and on my end, it didn’t even ring.  I simply heard nothing, and then a click, and then, someone was dialing out.  And then, silence.

Me to my sister; “Jenny???……. Hello?”

Her to me; “Andie????  That’s weird.  Your phone didn’t even ring…..I just called you.”

Me, “No, I just called you,” and we both started to giggle.

We do this to each other ALL the time.  We’ll set a time to meet up somewhere and both pull into a parking lot at the exact same moment.  Or, we show up at each others houses wearing exactly the same clothes.  We have even gone to a friends barbecue wearing  identical  sundresses that each of us had bought a few days prior but neither one of us knew about.  We can finish each others sentences and think the same thoughts.  Sometimes, I’ll be about to say something and she says it right as my mouth opens to form the words.  We laugh at the same things, yawn together, and sigh out loud in sync.  When we’re listening to a song, there will be a verse that we simultaneously belt out together and smile.

My brother-in-law calls it freaky.   I call it bliss.