Counting My Blessings

I never thought I would have just one child.  It had always been “my plan” to have at least two and they were going to be two years apart just like my sister and I.

My daughter had taken us nearly four years to conceive so I couldn’t believe it when I became pregnant right away the second time around.  And then it happened.  My first miscarriage.  Just as quickly as it came, my pregnancy went.  I had only been a few weeks along, and while I was sad, I still remained hopeful that it would happen again for us, and it did.

This time, I got to see my little peanut.  I can still remember laying on the table in my doctors office looking over at the black and white monitor and seeing the little heartbeat for the first time.   But two weeks later, I was back in that same office laying on the same table, looking at an empty monitor.  The heartbeat was gone and I had lost my baby again.

In life I’ve learned that some things are simply indescribable.  My miscarriage is one of them.  How can I put words to losing a life that I so desperately wanted?  The future I had always thought I would have was no longer.  We would be a family of three, instead of four.  There would be no brother or sister for our daughter.  I would have just one car seat, instead of two.

But that’s just it.  I HAVE one car seat.  I HAVE a family of three.  I HAVE a daughter.  And she is amazing, and she is healthy, and she is here.

For me, life is about choices.  I can choose to be sad and miserable over what isn’t, or I can choose just as equally to be happy over what is.

But that doesn’t mean I will ever forget.  This year my baby would’ve turned five and started kindergarten.  And while I will always, always count those birthdays, I will count my blessings too.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. amy
    Sep 04, 2011 @ 13:08:23

    that is such a positve way to view the circumstances! It happens so much more than you realize it does….until it happens to you. I lost twins at almost 28 weeks before we had Quincy. I had only found out that it was twins at 20 weeks and spent 10 days on bed rest before it happened. losing a child or children is the hardest thing anyone will ever go through. and I miss them everyday(Caden Spencer and Malachi Christopher) but then I think if they had lived we wouldn’t have Quincy and Piper and Maya. I also had 2 miscarrages between Piper and Maya…one at 7 weeks and one at about 9! I’ve learned of so many people this has happened to but so few of them ever talk about the children they’ve lost!

    Reply

  2. karmais
    Sep 04, 2011 @ 14:15:22

    Amy- I am so sorry for your experience- but you are so right that you probably wouldn’t have had Quincy, Maya and Piper had it not been for your loss. We are so fortunate to have our children, because so many women never get that opportunity. I’m sure Caden & Malachi are watching over all of you xoxoxoxox.

    Reply

  3. mysweetmarie
    Sep 05, 2011 @ 19:40:51

    I am sorry for experience in losing your babies. I am grateful for your way fo thinking and hope you will continue to share your experiences and joys with those you love! god Bless you and your family, we never know what he has intended for us, do we?

    Sweet Marie

    Reply

  4. karmais
    Sep 05, 2011 @ 20:43:18

    Thanks Sweet Marie ; ) We never know…….but I believe there is always a reason!

    Reply

  5. anglesinasphere
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 17:48:16

    i admire your strength and positivity! my sister lost her child on christmas eve last year – only several weeks before her due date. i couldn’t imagine how she was feeling at that time. i offered her consolation and encouragement but i knew that they would never be enough. fortunately, she was able to get up again after what had happened. she says that she now has an angel watching over her from heaven and i believe it’s true.

    thanks for sharing your story and god bless! 🙂

    Reply

  6. karmais
    Sep 08, 2011 @ 19:12:37

    Thanks so much Angelsinasphere 😉 I’m so sorry for your sister…..she definitely does have an angel watching over her 🙂

    Reply

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