Give Into the Feeling

This past weekend, my sister and I went to a workshop given by Andy Dooley called, “Vibration Activation.”  It was about the law of attraction and how to get what you want out of life by using certain techniques to sort of re-train your thought processes.   One particular exercise we did was to tell our story, because we all have one, and to take that story, that is filled with pain, fear and uncertainty, and change it.  Andy’s goal was to help us create a new belief, to put us in a better feeling place, which ultimately would help us overcome whatever obstacle that was holding us back from getting us what we wanted.

When asking for volunteers, a man by the name of Mike came up on stage to share his story. He was in real estate, trying to make it, but not really being able to, while having an amazing and beautiful daughter, who was only 16 months old, and a wife, who was soon to be his ex on his plate.  He exposed his fears of not being a good father, or having enough money to provide, piece by piece to all two hundred of us audience members.  With each layer he exposed, my heart ached for him.  You could tell he was trying very hard not to cry while he told his story.  As he spoke, my inner voice whispered, “go up and hug him”.  It would’ve been easy enough because I was sitting in the front row, but I had this other voice telling me  he was a stranger and after all, why would I get up and hug a strange man on a stage in front of almost two hundred people?

I still though, couldn’t get it out of my mind that I needed to get up and go hug this man.  I too have a daughter, and can’t fathom the thought of going from seeing her everyday, to just certain days, or weekends.  I literally felt his pain and my own eyes began to tear.

When Mike was affirming back to Andy his new thought process, “that’s right, I have the most beautiful daughter in the universe,” he began to break down in a controlled sort of fashion.  It was the kind of cry where you really had no control, but tried to control it, yet there was no stopping it.  And as tears streamed down his face, as casually as he could let them, my insides turned outside.  My whisper turned into a scream and in my head it shouted, “GET UP AND GO HUG THIS MAN!”  It was like an itch that I HAD to scratch.

And so I did.  Without hesitation, I went up on the stage and opened my arms.  I hugged him with all of my might and I cried with him.  I was truly in the moment and had never experienced anything like it before.  He thanked me for the hug and I told him this wasn’t his forever, it was just his today.  I went back to my seat feeling a sense of peace like no other. I doubt that Mike knows it, but he was the one who actually gave ME a gift yesterday.  He helped me overcome my own fear of worrying about what other people would think when I gave him that hug.

I believe that life is too short to let moments pass us by like that.  Had I not hugged him, I would’ve wished I did for the rest of my life.  So thank you Andy Dooley for motivating me yesterday and teaching me that at any given moment, I can start a new belief, and let go of the old.  A new vibration is all we need to take us out of our comfort zones, and as you may already know, that my friend, is where the magic happens.  XOXOXOXO

From Where I Stand

I have an amazing room in my house that used to be “the office”.  You know, a place where crap was thrown down, where bills piled up, in a sense, a room that wasn’t really used, but rather a dumping ground for what my husband and I didn’t want to deal with right away.  And after being sick of five years of the piling up and a room that wasn’t really functional,  I finally transformed it into my own space and made it a meditation room.

If you were to ask my seven-year old nephew what it now looked like, he would appropriately call it “Auntie’s Fancy Room”, which I think is perfect!   Pretty white lights hang on the terracotta walls and a large mirror reflects the 3 bay windows letting double the natural light in.  I have 2 bookcases filled with my little treasures and books.  A large framed picture of my girlfriends and I overlooking the ocean sits on the wall beneath a large beautiful piece of art that spells out the word, “BELIEVE”.  It is my haven.  It is my thinking space.  It is where I go when I need to let go of my day.

Every night, I light some incense and  stare at the picture of my friends looking out at the deep blue ocean, and I imagine the endless possibilities.  What are those waves bringing into my life?  What does the universe or God have in store for me?  I let it all wash over me.  I think about the day and the drama, and I give it all back.  With a few deep breaths, I let it cleanse my soul, and truly let go of the stress.   If I didn’t do that, then I just might ponder too long on a thought and take something personally that wasn’t my issue in the first place.

It happens all too often and it’s a shame really, how we tend to take on other people’s drama in the blink of an eye.   We are so quick to react to life, instead of taking that much-needed destressing breath, stepping back, counting to ten, and really think about what should come next.  It’s unfortunate that our mouths tend to work quicker than our brains do, because once we put something out there, we can’t take it back.  I know that I am guilty of it and I work HARD to bite my tongue on a daily basis.

I think we need to ask ourselves, is it really that important to be right at the risk of losing a relationship, or is it better to be kind and give the other person the benefit of the doubt?  We all have our days and I wish that people could see that life itself is about perspective.  There is what I see, and there is what others see.  And from where I stand, there is no such thing as right or wrong.  There just is.  Period.

If we were to be facing each other, you and I, and the sun was setting, I would say, “The sun is to my left,” yet, you, opposite me, would say, “No, the sun is to my right,” and we would both be right.  That is how I try to look at disagreements, and misunderstandings.  It’s all about perspective, and beliefs.  Everyone has feelings that are real.  We all want the same things; to be heard, loved , and validated.

Try just once in your day to believe that what other people say and do is about them, and their issues, and not about you and yours.  Take a deep breath, count to ten, and be kind.  I promise you, it will always feel better than being right.

 

 

 

The Best Advice I Never Got

At 38 years old, I find myself wishing that I still had my mother to make everything better and to give me her best advice.

I want her to kiss my forehead and tell me everything is going to be okay when I feel like it won’t.

When I have a bad day, I want to pick up the phone and call her and have her tell me it’s just a bad day, and not a bad life. (https://www.facebook.com/pages/IMPERFECTLY-PERFECT/236483019712520)

I want her to tell me to not over-think things because I’ll end up creating problems that weren’t even there in the first place.  (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Honesty-Open-Mindedness-And-Willingness/226695274007482)

I want her to validate my feelings and hug me when I need it, because even though I’m strong, I need my hand to be held every once in awhile too.

She won’t ever be able to do any of those things though because thirty- three years ago, she took her own life.   And the part of me that can’t fathom, as a mom myself, what she did, feels like she took a huge part of my own life with her when she left that December day in 1978.

But I can’t reach for anything new if my hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.  (https://www.facebook.com/possibilityoftoday)

All I can do is my best.  And when I find that piece of advice that my mother might have given me if she were still alive,  I share it.  And that is what Loving Karma is all about.  https://www.facebook.com/LovingKarma

Keep Smiling

One of my favorite quotes is by Gandhi; “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

In other words,  if I want to see more smiling faces, then I need to smile more.

But what about the people who don’t smile back?  Do I take it personally and wonder what the hell their problem is, or do I remind myself that it isn’t about me, it’s about them and their issues?  While it’s tempting to go with my initial thought, I don’t.

How do I know what is going through someone elses mind at any given moment?  Who am I to judge?  Why do we all tend to make assumptions about each other?  Is the other person automatically a jerk for not reciprocating a smile or could they possibly just have something else going on in their lives that is distracting them from the moment?

Maybe it is as simple as they just didn’t see me smile, or maybe they are struggling with something.  Maybe they are in deep thought about a recent diagnosis of a loved one, or replaying an argument in their mind that they just had with their spouse.  Or, they could be wondering how they are going to get by this week with just $4 left in their pocket and a family to feed.  There are millions of reasons why, and not one of them has to do with me.

So the next time you smile and someone doesn’t smile back, try not to take it personally and just keep smiling ; )

Placing Your Order

Lisa Nichols, a motivational speaker who was featured in one of my favorite movies, The Secret, said something on Oprah that profoundly changed me.  And for those of you who don’t know, The Secret is a movie about the Law of Attraction.  It is not just about understanding how the law works, but the movie explains how we bring about what we think about all the time.

There was an audience member who had asked the panel of cast members to explain better how it worked, and this was Lisa’s response;

If you were at a restaurant, and you placed an order, you would fully expect it to come to you that way.  That’s how the universe works.  You are putting out orders, consciously and unconsciously, and you expect it to come back.  So if you say “I’ll never have a great relationship,” then you just placed an order.  If you said, “Oh, I have the craziest family full of DRAMA,” then you just placed an order.  So look at it as you just placed an order at a restaurant and what do you want to come?

I think about that comment every single day, especially when I post something on Facebook.   I’m consciously asking myself if what I am writing is what I want to be ordering up.   And while I want to bitch about the person who’s yelling at the 17-year-old behind the register at McDonald’s for screwing up her order I don’t.  No buts about it.  I do not want more people bitching at other people showing up in my life. Instead, I want to share how grateful I am for the crossing guard named George who gave me flower roots to plant in my garden, and my friend Kate who showed up on my birthday this year to give me a bottle of my favorite red wine.  I want more sticky face smiles and kisses from my daughter, and a husband who will dance to shake off a bad mood.

So the next time your about to complain, think of Lisa Nichols, and order yourself something that you will WANT to come back to you, because like a boomerang, it ALWAYS does.

Karma Dances…..This Much I Know

Bryan and I began dating back in 1998 and I can’t remember how “our dancing thing” started, but I do remember the first time I did it to him which was over 10 years ago.

We were on a date at The Outback Steakhouse on the Berlin Turnpike and had just finished dinner.  While walking back to my car and laughing about something in the parking lot- it hit me, and simultaneously hit him too.  MUST.  LOCK. HIM. OUT!  I don’t know who started running first but Bryan knew he had to stay close behind if not beat me to my car to save grace.  I however got  there before he did!  If I was successful in getting into the car and locking him out, then he would have to dance to get back in.

I fumbled quickly with my keys to unlock the door and had made it into the drivers seat. I grabbed the handle and tried to pull the door shut,  but not before he dove head first across my lap with his feet kicking out behind him.  Tears were streaming down both of our faces as I was trying to shove him out, but his death grip on the gear shift just wouldn’t allow it.  After minutes of this, and our stomachs hurting from laughing so hard, we both gave in.  No one had to dance that time. As we buckled up and rolled the windows down, we heard snickering coming from the parked car next to us.  Apparently, we had an audience for the whole thing.

This carried on into our marriage.  It was what we did for fun.  But it was also what we did when the other one was really pissed off about something too.  How could you stay mad when you had to do the cabbage patch or running man in front of total strangers?  Bryan would get me at a gas station.   I would get him at Target.   He would get me on our doorstep at home.  I would get him at the pizza place on the way out.  It was a way of life.  It was a way of our life.

When we had our daughter in 2004, we bought a video camera because I wanted her to have great memories of her childhood.  I would video tape everything; the cat, the dog, Christmas morning, birthdays, holidays, and yes…..me locking her father out of the house and car and making him dance to get back in.  I had actually gotten Bryan on video dancing 4 separate times in over a year.  While it truly all was for her, I couldn’t resist submitting the tapes to America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Our love for embarrassing each other had paid off.  Our clip was named, “The Dancing Machine,” and we took first place three consecutive times on AFV.   We won over one hundred thousand dollars and 48 years of vacations through the Disney Vacation Club.

The better it gets, the better it gets.  Two years later, we were contacted by the Oprah show, as they were doing a special on America’s Funniest Home Videos, and wanted us to fly out for the taping.  Bryan actually danced for Oprah on her stage because Tom Burgeron asked me to make him do it again.  www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Americas-Funniest-Home-Videos/10Cached

Dancing, apparently, is good for our Karma.  And with 48 years of vacations……..let’s just say we’ll be dancing all the way into our eighties.

A Karmic Surprise

Vacationing itself is bliss.  Vacationing with your sister and her family who you love as much as your own is even better.  Unexpectedly running into your best friend from middle school and her family in the same resort who you haven’t seen in years is insanity.  How does that happen?  What stars align themselves to make that all possible?  Is it because I appreciate the people in my life so much, that the universe says, “well, since you’re having so much fun with your current friends, lets re-arrange some things to give you an unexpected friendship karmic surprise!”  Yes…..that is what I believe.  I believe that all dots are connected.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  I believe that in the hustle and bustle of life, we get caught up in the “things” we “need & have” to do, instead of finding time for the things we would “love & want” to do. But my karma somehow found a way to give me the love and the want without the hustle or bustle.

I was having some mommy time in my room with my nook, while the rest of the family went downstairs for a swim.   It wasn’t too long after that when my sister came up from the pool and said, “You’ll NEVER guess who I just ran into!” and then proceeded to tell me it was my best friend from middle school.  That turned into an amazing, unscheduled and unplanned trip to Goosebury Beach in Newport, RI with all of our families the very next day.

We set up our blankets, and umbrellas, slathered sunscreen on ourselves, kids and husbands too and parked our chairs next to each other talking the afternoon away.  We laughed about old times, and cherished the new. We couldn’t have planned it any better.

Some people say karma is a bitch, but for me, it has always been a blessing.  I believe that the better it gets,  the better it gets.   And the more you appreciate the good in your life, the more life will give you things to appreciate.  Karma is a wonderful thing when you least expect it.  Maybe it will surprise you too ; )